Which Office Worker Type Are You?

You call a meeting to announce that there will be a meeting. You want your staff to fear you and love you, mostly love. The office is your family, whether they agree or not.

You'd take a bullet for the company. You already have a survival plan in case your coworkers turn into zombies. Rules are sacred and lunch breaks are a sign of weakness. Someday you'll get the real job, with no "assistant to" in front of it.

You do two hours of actual work and four hours of pranks, and you still top the sales chart. Your real full-time job is looking at the camera whenever things get absurd.

You remember every birthday and settle every fight, which holds the whole floor together. You're everyone's number one emergency contact, and you're the one who never causes trouble.

You started yesterday and you're already planning to revolutionize the industry. Your title says intern and your self-image says founder, while your LinkedIn is on fire.

You sing a cappella in the break room and mention your alma mater once a week. Your need to be liked runs high enough that you sometimes punch a wall, and once you've grown fond of someone, your loyalty lasts a lifetime.

You've never once thought about work after 5 p.m. A crossword in your hand, a steel boundary in your heart. Of all the company events, only Pretzel Day means anything to you.

You own a famous chili recipe and a way of doing math that nobody understands and that turns out right anyway. You get underestimated every day, and you're the most at-ease person in the building.

You run the party planning committee like a courtroom. Assessments and judgments go out for free and often, and your approval takes years to earn. Of course your cats rank above your coworkers.

Nobody knows what your job is, you included. You have the longest tenure and the murkiest duties, and your legal standing is vague in several ways. The less anyone asks, the more peaceful everyone is.

You're just doing your job correctly, and somehow you get blamed for everything. With patience that goes beyond reason, you sigh like a pro and dream of moving to Costa Rica.

You know what the boss wants before the boss does. You even know what everyone in the building did over the weekend. The org chart says otherwise, and in reality you run this company.

Your skills are solid and you are sincerely hungry for a title. Every slight gets recorded and every win gets celebrated at opera scale. Your drama is big and your standards are bigger.